(This is part two. If you didn't read the prior post "Accidental History Detective", read it first.)

I kept coming back to that one sentence: "Ezra Baker Jr. died in an almshouse." It was written as fact, repeated across genealogy reports, and accepted without question. But it wasn't true.


We do this in our own lives, too. A single mistake or misinterpretation can get repeated until it becomes the story we tell about ourselves. "I’ve never been good at public speaking." "I’m not the kind of person who takes risks." "I always mess things up." Sound familiar?


Ezra’s story reminded me to challenge assumptions. The first recorded version isn’t always the right one. If I had accepted the almshouse story, I wouldn’t have found his connection to Lincoln, his political appointment, the crazy story of scandal and intrigue, or his last years practicing medicine in Philadelphia. The real story was more complicated—but also more interesting.


Maybe it’s time to look at your own narrative. What’s a belief you’ve carried about yourself that might not be the full truth?

You don’t have to keep retelling the same story if it no longer serves you. If you’re ready to explore new possibilities, coaching can help you rewrite your own history.

I never set out to uncover a mystery. I just saw a name—Ezra Baker Jr.—on a genealogy site and read the familiar refrain: Once a respected doctor and businessman, he died poor, alone, drunk and forgotten in a Philadelphia almshouse. It struck me as odd that he would end up in my adopted hometown, because I don’t have family ties to the Philadelphia area. Why would he end up here?

Curiosity got the better of me. I found where he was buried (Woodlands Cemetery in West Philadelphia) and went to see for myself. His headstone, though weathered, was marble. And that didn’t sit right with me. In 1870, poor men who died in almshouses weren’t buried under marble. That simple fact cracked open the whole story.

What followed is a continuing deep dive into forgotten records, political appointments, scandalous accusations, and unexpected connections. His final years—those that history seemed to misplace—weren’t quite what the old genealogy reports claimed.

I tracked him to a politically-appointed post in Washington Territory, in proximity to two of his sons. I tracked him to Washington DC, where he was trying to get a meeting with Lincoln after being pushed out of that job. 

It turns out that Ezra did know Abraham Lincoln. He did business with military generals. He had been part of a major Civil War-era smuggling trial. He had spent years crisscrossing the country. I kept chasing leads. I found him later in a Philadelphia directory at Broad and Passyunk, maybe still practicing medicine. His cause of death was listed as “softening of the brain,” an old term for what might have been a stroke or dementia.

The usual story about Ezra Baker Jr. turned out to be more rumor than reality. And that got me thinking—how often do we accept someone else’s version of the truth? How many times do we repeat a mistake until it becomes history?

Theme: Stay Curious.

Sometimes, a single detail—a marble headstone where there shouldn’t be one—can change everything. What might you discover if you followed a thread of curiosity in your own life?

Your story matters, and sometimes rewriting history—whether it’s your own or someone else’s—starts with asking the right questions. If you’re ready to explore your own narrative, coaching can help you uncover what’s been overlooked.

Here's a personal story that might resonate with some of you, especially if you find yourself frequently critical of your partner.

In my journey as a relationship coach, I’ve learned a lot about how we project our insecurities onto our partners. This lesson hit home for me in my own relationship with my wife, Jenn. I would find myself being critical of her when other things were going wrong in my life. When I was feeling critical of her, it was actually a clue that I was being judgmental of myself. I was unwittingly pointing fingers at her habits, like not putting things away or taking a long time to get ready to go out, than to address my own issues.

Through my own coaching process, I had a breakthrough. I realized that my criticism of Jenn was a reflection of my own self-judgment. When I was feeling unfocused or disorganized, I zeroed in on her habits and made them the problem. These days, when I find myself being judgmental of her, I know that there's something going on with me that I need to work on.

If you find yourself stuck in a pattern where your partner is just not doing what she's supposed to, here’s a journaling exercise to help you dig deeper:

1. Identify the Annoyances: What are the most common things that bother you about your partner? Go beyond surface-level complaints. Why do these things really bother you? Dig into your feelings and try to understand the root cause.
   
2. Examine Your Beliefs: What do you believe these characteristics say about your partner? Do you think they are careless, inconsiderate, or something else? Reflect on these beliefs and where they might be coming from. For instance, if your partner is always late, do you interpret that as a lack of respect for you? 
   
3. Turn the Mirror Around: What might these bothersome characteristics say about you? How might this reflect your own fears or insecurities? For example, maybe you fear that partner's lateness means you aren't worthy of not being kept waiting. 
   
4. Imagine the Ideal: If your partner changed all these things, what would you think and feel? Visualize how this perfect scenario would look and the emotions it would bring up for you. Would you trust it if your partner suddenly fixed all those things you hate?
   
5. Shift Your Thoughts: What thoughts can you start practicing now, without your partner changing anything, to help you feel the way you want to? How can you reframe your perspective to find peace and contentment in the present moment?

This exercise isn’t about ignoring your partner’s behavior or excusing it. It’s about understanding the deeper layers of your reactions and finding a more balanced perspective.

If you’re ready to explore this further and get to the root of your criticism, I’m here to help. You can book a session with me. Together, we can uncover what’s really going on and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember, it’s not about perfection. It’s about progress and understanding ourselves better every day.

Warmly,
Claire